Coping with Having an Addicted Parent (Guide)

The children of drug-addicted parents can struggle just as much as the addicts themselves. Addicted parents do not have to actively harm their children in order to cause them pain. Simply living with an addict and being exposed to their behavior can cause emotional trauma whether or not the addict intends it. By definition, they are too preoccupied with their substance use to maintain healthy lives and relationships, much less provide an optimal environment for children.  

Parents with addictions often cannot create a sense of safety or stability for their children. The resulting unpredictability and unreliability of parents on drugs can lead to a variety of emotional and behavioral issues. In the absence of parental support, children of addicted parents adopt certain roles to cope with their uncertain circumstances. These roles illustrate the different ways that addiction can affect children. Below are the common roles and their main characteristics. 

The Hero  

The Hero is usually the oldest child. They feel they must be self-reliant and responsible for the whole family, a phenomenon also known as “parentification.” They help with parental duties and make sacrifices in order to do the right thing for their siblings. It is hard for “heroes” to give up control, and they are generally anxious and lonely.  

The Adjuster  

Instead of taking charge like the Hero, the Adjuster tries to fit in where they can and adapt to the situation. They often continue to have difficulty taking initiative and pursuing their goals later in life. 

The Placater 

Placaters are very sensitive to others’ feelings. They avoid conflict by trying to please everyone around them. In order to fulfill the needs of others, they will neglect their own emotional needs. Typically, they have ongoing difficulty in discovering their own wants and goals. 

The Scapegoat 

The Scapegoat acts out negative behavior (promiscuity, drug use, etc.) to distract the family from the addict. If they are in trouble, then the parents have a common problem to unite around. Scapegoats have difficulty expressing and managing their emotions.  

The Lost Child 

This is usually a younger child who attempts to withdraw from the conflict completely. They prefer to distract themselves with music, video games, the internet, or other means. Lost Children seek safety in solitude. Their relationships and social skills may suffer because of this. 

The Mascot 

The Mascot is often the youngest child. Similar to Placaters, they attempt to relieve tension among family members. They manage their own fear by being cute or funny to distract others.  

If you have drug-addicted parents, you may relate to one or more of the roles above. Deviating from the role can feel threatening, even when you have grown up and removed yourself from your original circumstances. When you are forced to adopt these roles in order to cope with your parents’ addictions, you may be unable to develop healthy behaviors and emotional intelligence in the future. Continuing to rely on your old coping skills when you no longer need them can cause further distress.